Manager Mania !!!

Manager a term that could bring out a plethora of emotions in each of us, emotions of varying kinds. Expressions from a smile to a frown, to the least our very own "ever extending middle finger".They are the God's on earth, the decision makers. Among the most over used definitions within the industry this would get the highest votes, Manager :- Someone who comes in late when you are early and ensures to walk in early when you are late.

Anyways who's a manager?

a) Someone who receives orders and delivers at your desk.
b) Backs management during appraisals and employees at anytime other than appraisals.
c) Who would call heart attack common and marriage an unwanted risk, if the subject in question is your father or you.
d) All of the above.

If the answer is D, that's what a manager is for 90% of people being bossed around. But then there are managers like Bengal Tiger, Snow leopard etc, the ones who are about to be extinct.

Who are these managers?

a) Has been stuck as a middle manager for about 1500 years.
b) Grants you leave and fights for your appraisal, forgets his own leaves and growth.
c) Knows everything in his line of work and thus can help you out when you are stuck.
d) All of the above.

If your answer is D then the guy above is not diplomatic, knows more than his boss and believes that work is about delivering value. The chances that you would see the person sulking at the same level is pretty high, cause he is not practical. Being practical is a different subject all together.

Like animals are classified into different strata and species managers could well be classified. Here is an attempt to do so.

The Postman:

The most common genre, of managers in the whole universe.

Style of management:

Vomits what is told and eats up what is crapped out, incapable of listening within the vicinity of his power.(Loses listening power he swipes in and gains it back the moment swipe out is done). Is a broadcaster, more of a mouthpiece for the management. Dresses up with the sense of a factory worker, thinks at a level much below that. These types would categorize peeing on a highway at midnight as "Risk", cause risk is something that would make them sneeze, pee in their pants.(Afraid of losing the only sign of manliness during the act).

Tools Used:

Mostly the forward button of the email client, and in case it's upward communication the mouse cursor and the backspace key to remove the FW: term. Send receive button is a major area of expertise and there are people capable of giving a 90% hit ratio when the button is pressed. Power to deny leaves, suppress ideas and last but not least convincing skills to ensure that innovation is something that remains only in the ideology books of the organization.

Behavioral Traits:

Calculates EMI's fifteen times a day, never thinks beyond a two BHK and never would allow any of his reportes to do the same. Tags most of the men around as nut's, rebel etc and ensures that any job with the slightest risk is tagged to someone else (Even if it's his wives pregnancy.)

Foreman:

The kind of manager is common. Poised around forty, sitting in an air conditioned office for the first time, with memories of the previous employer stamped in either as wounds from the rustic chair or from the stomach infection after consuming the free lunch, these men walk in with a pre-meditated decision to screw the newbies.

Style of Management:

Most of these men, would like to track everything about the employee.Ranging from the activities on weekends to the count of loo breaks. Would pop up with comments on any work that's been delivered, starting from the font used on the report to the colors that could have worked magic. Allotting work on a Friday evening at 6:00 pm, scheduling meetings on Sunday mornings are innovative ways of driving productivity for these men from the Adams. Suggestions would include how to dress up on a Friday, which actually is nothing but to wear a blue denim with a white shirt and sneakers manufactured by Reebok for pastry chefs in the UK. These are people who could possibly write a syllabi on micromanagement. These managers are seldom worried about what's being done and what's the output, rather are pretty much worried about how the job is being done. So a foreman is a postman, who has cruel intentions.

Tools Used:

They have a very wide array of tools at their disposal. The key one being, "When I used to be your age" suggestions. So if you turn up to work 15 minutes late, you would probably listen to a lecture which would definitely contain examples of punctuality and dedication. Mostly a mini documentary which would show the boss clinging on to a Mumbai local, from there to a stuffed bus and last but not least the run through the narrow footpath, with the only meal of the day, a vada pav in his hand. Most of your colleagues would pull out their tongue from his ass to say cliche dialogues like " We are very lucky".

Behavioral Traits :

Looks at everything from a retrospective angle, always in a mode of comparison. Ensures that the current generation is always painted as a bunch of losers who got it all easily. Half of the time at work is spend by either praising thyself or heroics that happened at an era, where heroism was just about fighting a beautiful girls pop.

Managers aren't a topic that could be finished of in a single post, there's more to come. Managers part two is just going through the appraisal cycle.