Manager a term that could bring out a plethora of emotions in each of us, emotions of varying kinds. Expressions from a smile to a frown, to the least our very own "ever extending middle finger".They are the God's on earth, the decision makers. Among the most over used definitions within the industry this would get the highest votes, Manager :- Someone who comes in late when you are early and ensures to walk in early when you are late.
Anyways who's a manager?
a) Someone who receives orders and delivers at your desk.
b) Backs management during appraisals and employees at anytime other than appraisals.
c) Who would call heart attack common and marriage an unwanted risk, if the subject in question is your father or you.
d) All of the above.
If the answer is D, that's what a manager is for 90% of people being bossed around. But then there are managers like Bengal Tiger, Snow leopard etc, the ones who are about to be extinct.
Who are these managers?
a) Has been stuck as a middle manager for about 1500 years.
b) Grants you leave and fights for your appraisal, forgets his own leaves and growth.
c) Knows everything in his line of work and thus can help you out when you are stuck.
d) All of the above.
If your answer is D then the guy above is not diplomatic, knows more than his boss and believes that work is about delivering value. The chances that you would see the person sulking at the same level is pretty high, cause he is not practical. Being practical is a different subject all together.
Like animals are classified into different strata and species managers could well be classified. Here is an attempt to do so.
The Postman:
The most common genre, of managers in the whole universe.
Style of management:
Vomits what is told and eats up what is crapped out, incapable of listening within the vicinity of his power.(Loses listening power he swipes in and gains it back the moment swipe out is done). Is a broadcaster, more of a mouthpiece for the management. Dresses up with the sense of a factory worker, thinks at a level much below that. These types would categorize peeing on a highway at midnight as "Risk", cause risk is something that would make them sneeze, pee in their pants.(Afraid of losing the only sign of manliness during the act).
Tools Used:
Mostly the forward button of the email client, and in case it's upward communication the mouse cursor and the backspace key to remove the FW: term. Send receive button is a major area of expertise and there are people capable of giving a 90% hit ratio when the button is pressed. Power to deny leaves, suppress ideas and last but not least convincing skills to ensure that innovation is something that remains only in the ideology books of the organization.
Behavioral Traits:
Calculates EMI's fifteen times a day, never thinks beyond a two BHK and never would allow any of his reportes to do the same. Tags most of the men around as nut's, rebel etc and ensures that any job with the slightest risk is tagged to someone else (Even if it's his wives pregnancy.)
Foreman:
The kind of manager is common. Poised around forty, sitting in an air conditioned office for the first time, with memories of the previous employer stamped in either as wounds from the rustic chair or from the stomach infection after consuming the free lunch, these men walk in with a pre-meditated decision to screw the newbies.
Style of Management:
Most of these men, would like to track everything about the employee.Ranging from the activities on weekends to the count of loo breaks. Would pop up with comments on any work that's been delivered, starting from the font used on the report to the colors that could have worked magic. Allotting work on a Friday evening at 6:00 pm, scheduling meetings on Sunday mornings are innovative ways of driving productivity for these men from the Adams. Suggestions would include how to dress up on a Friday, which actually is nothing but to wear a blue denim with a white shirt and sneakers manufactured by Reebok for pastry chefs in the UK. These are people who could possibly write a syllabi on micromanagement. These managers are seldom worried about what's being done and what's the output, rather are pretty much worried about how the job is being done. So a foreman is a postman, who has cruel intentions.
Tools Used:
They have a very wide array of tools at their disposal. The key one being, "When I used to be your age" suggestions. So if you turn up to work 15 minutes late, you would probably listen to a lecture which would definitely contain examples of punctuality and dedication. Mostly a mini documentary which would show the boss clinging on to a Mumbai local, from there to a stuffed bus and last but not least the run through the narrow footpath, with the only meal of the day, a vada pav in his hand. Most of your colleagues would pull out their tongue from his ass to say cliche dialogues like " We are very lucky".
Behavioral Traits :
Looks at everything from a retrospective angle, always in a mode of comparison. Ensures that the current generation is always painted as a bunch of losers who got it all easily. Half of the time at work is spend by either praising thyself or heroics that happened at an era, where heroism was just about fighting a beautiful girls pop.
Managers aren't a topic that could be finished of in a single post, there's more to come. Managers part two is just going through the appraisal cycle.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Other Side of the Coin !!!
Let's think from a critics standpoint, if you look at critics of the Indian BPO segment most of them would have never seen a headphone before, it's like Muslim clerics criticizing Satanic Versus, Either just by reading a particular page or just yapping away because his elder cleric said so. But from an insiders stand point why is it not worth working in the industry. Hera are some of them :
Learning :
After a certain point of time, unless you're working with a core product support team of a major vendor, chances that you'll learn anything niche is in the negatives. Most of the employees, their day to day activities are linked to a canned set of instructions which on reality could be done by kids attending high school. So what is that you would end up doing, you'd be resetting passwords, re-installing applications, giving out information on products and warranties etc. Learning becomes a dream. Does any other industry offer learning that's something that we have to find out for ourselves, lets park it for the time being.
Growth :
Though growth is good, growing to be a manager doesn't actually mean much. All you have to do is to ensure that everyone comes to work, if they get to work they are doing it and last but not least no one quits. A typical team leader / Manager will rush into the office, check the attendance. Call up the ones on unplanned leaves and talk. Sample conversation :
Manager: Why are you not at work??
Agent: Sir, am not well stomach is upset.
Manager: Is it upset with you or your girlfriend??
Agent: What sir, It's aching badly.
Manager: When did you realize it's aching, Is it before the thought of work came in or after ??
Agent: Sir, I have gone to the doctor and it's food infection.
Manager: Where did you eat and what did you eat ??
Agent: (Thanking god that he is not requesting the sample of shit, answers) Sir in our cafeteria, I had upma.
Manager: Even I had the same, I am fine.
Agent: Sir, you are there for a long time.(Thinking about upma's condition in his stomach)
Manager: So shall I sent a cab, will you be able to come in late??
Agent: I am still not well, I have lose motions, cannot travel.
Manager : Will you call me when it's over?
Agent: What??
Manager: Motions ...
So growing to a managers level means having loads of shitty conversations like this, convincing someone to come to work after his fathers funeral etc. You will be part of reviews where in there would be questions even god cannot answer, a sample review:
Boss: So why did we get a D-Sat on that issue?
Reportee(TL/AM): Sir, our service pack got installed on her laptop and then it crashed. We had to format and she lost all the data including her kids photos.
Boss: So, why couldn't we convince her about the quality of support? You are all losers, the survey is not about the product, it's about the support.
TL/AM : Sir, while butchering some one we cannot talk about the quality of the knife being used. Even if the knife is the best on this earth, we are butchers.
Boss: So how do we go ahead, I do not want to hear stories, get out and get the numbers in place by next week or start updating your resume.
What could have been the learning from this conversation :
A) Deafness is a quality that you need to work upon, listening is a sign of weakness.
B) Updating your resume is a continuous process and should never be triggered by anyone.
C) Never argue with your Boss and never give picturesque examples as they would add to the agony.
D) All of the above are takeaways.
If your answer is D, you'd survive in the industry.
Work Timings:
Being a weekend dad, the five minutes husband, the Owl uncle are the prospects you could get by being in a BPO. Eating dinner at 9:00 in the night would make you as uncomfortable as being in a Mumbai local. While everyone orders deserts, you'd be swallowing hot piping tea, sweetened up stares of friends and relatives. Living apart from the society, from the agreed upon norms might not be everyone's cup of tea. Being in a joint family could nearly kill you, imagine whoever goes out of the home gives you a hug or wakes you up for a bye, you can no longer dream about sleep, cause you are deprived of the very own pleasure of sleeping. Work timings is a major spoiler, but not for the ones with a lot of heart !!!!
Social Status:
One of the major reason, why people quit a BPO is cause of the social stigma attached to it. The Indian middle class dream of a becoming a doctor and engineer, is so deep rooted that anyone doing anything other than pulling out teeth, writing code or building bridges is a violator of the unwritten yet powerful Indian middle class code of conduct. So however revolutionary you are, being looked down during wedding proposals, within the family during important decisions etc would make you turn your back against the industry.
Work Pressure :
I am amazed when, geeks complain to me about work load, work pressure etc. If you've ever received feedback on a failed sale attempt,though the only thing you did NOT try was to give the moron a lap dance to get his credit card information, you'd know what pressure is. Not the happy go lucky one, pressure that get's into your skin and irks parts of your body you never realized existed before. Pressure of being measured, monitored, rated everyday. Pressure of handling an illiterate customer yelling at the top of her voice, because the butterfly doesn't take her places(MSN does not work) or the coffee holder isn't seen anymore( DVD Drive not getting ejected) is something which you cannot explain to your mom or to your girlfriend. It's a land for the light hearted and if you take stuff to your heart I can vouch you'd die young !!!!.
Learning :
After a certain point of time, unless you're working with a core product support team of a major vendor, chances that you'll learn anything niche is in the negatives. Most of the employees, their day to day activities are linked to a canned set of instructions which on reality could be done by kids attending high school. So what is that you would end up doing, you'd be resetting passwords, re-installing applications, giving out information on products and warranties etc. Learning becomes a dream. Does any other industry offer learning that's something that we have to find out for ourselves, lets park it for the time being.
Growth :
Though growth is good, growing to be a manager doesn't actually mean much. All you have to do is to ensure that everyone comes to work, if they get to work they are doing it and last but not least no one quits. A typical team leader / Manager will rush into the office, check the attendance. Call up the ones on unplanned leaves and talk. Sample conversation :
Manager: Why are you not at work??
Agent: Sir, am not well stomach is upset.
Manager: Is it upset with you or your girlfriend??
Agent: What sir, It's aching badly.
Manager: When did you realize it's aching, Is it before the thought of work came in or after ??
Agent: Sir, I have gone to the doctor and it's food infection.
Manager: Where did you eat and what did you eat ??
Agent: (Thanking god that he is not requesting the sample of shit, answers) Sir in our cafeteria, I had upma.
Manager: Even I had the same, I am fine.
Agent: Sir, you are there for a long time.(Thinking about upma's condition in his stomach)
Manager: So shall I sent a cab, will you be able to come in late??
Agent: I am still not well, I have lose motions, cannot travel.
Manager : Will you call me when it's over?
Agent: What??
Manager: Motions ...
So growing to a managers level means having loads of shitty conversations like this, convincing someone to come to work after his fathers funeral etc. You will be part of reviews where in there would be questions even god cannot answer, a sample review:
Boss: So why did we get a D-Sat on that issue?
Reportee(TL/AM): Sir, our service pack got installed on her laptop and then it crashed. We had to format and she lost all the data including her kids photos.
Boss: So, why couldn't we convince her about the quality of support? You are all losers, the survey is not about the product, it's about the support.
TL/AM : Sir, while butchering some one we cannot talk about the quality of the knife being used. Even if the knife is the best on this earth, we are butchers.
Boss: So how do we go ahead, I do not want to hear stories, get out and get the numbers in place by next week or start updating your resume.
What could have been the learning from this conversation :
A) Deafness is a quality that you need to work upon, listening is a sign of weakness.
B) Updating your resume is a continuous process and should never be triggered by anyone.
C) Never argue with your Boss and never give picturesque examples as they would add to the agony.
D) All of the above are takeaways.
If your answer is D, you'd survive in the industry.
Work Timings:
Being a weekend dad, the five minutes husband, the Owl uncle are the prospects you could get by being in a BPO. Eating dinner at 9:00 in the night would make you as uncomfortable as being in a Mumbai local. While everyone orders deserts, you'd be swallowing hot piping tea, sweetened up stares of friends and relatives. Living apart from the society, from the agreed upon norms might not be everyone's cup of tea. Being in a joint family could nearly kill you, imagine whoever goes out of the home gives you a hug or wakes you up for a bye, you can no longer dream about sleep, cause you are deprived of the very own pleasure of sleeping. Work timings is a major spoiler, but not for the ones with a lot of heart !!!!
Social Status:
One of the major reason, why people quit a BPO is cause of the social stigma attached to it. The Indian middle class dream of a becoming a doctor and engineer, is so deep rooted that anyone doing anything other than pulling out teeth, writing code or building bridges is a violator of the unwritten yet powerful Indian middle class code of conduct. So however revolutionary you are, being looked down during wedding proposals, within the family during important decisions etc would make you turn your back against the industry.
Work Pressure :
I am amazed when, geeks complain to me about work load, work pressure etc. If you've ever received feedback on a failed sale attempt,though the only thing you did NOT try was to give the moron a lap dance to get his credit card information, you'd know what pressure is. Not the happy go lucky one, pressure that get's into your skin and irks parts of your body you never realized existed before. Pressure of being measured, monitored, rated everyday. Pressure of handling an illiterate customer yelling at the top of her voice, because the butterfly doesn't take her places(MSN does not work) or the coffee holder isn't seen anymore( DVD Drive not getting ejected) is something which you cannot explain to your mom or to your girlfriend. It's a land for the light hearted and if you take stuff to your heart I can vouch you'd die young !!!!.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Good Side !!!!
It always amazed me when people say that I learned a lesson and the inspiration behind the lesson would be a fall inside the toilet, burns from a cooking experiment etc. The reason behind the same would be that when something unexpected happens, we mortals think, that's when the mind takes a break for a moment and checks "hey what the hell am I doing". Any experience in life is worth it, I spoke about the good side of being in tech support, these are the ones :
Being good to people :
Being a people manager in a BPO is like being Manmohan Singh, you are caught between the ruling party, allies, the opposition and your own conscience (Most politicians are saved from the last excuse.) Anyways imagine managing a team of 100 people, with an average age of 23, the average would have increased because of some retired army man who thought picking calls is better than being alone in front of an ATM. Who would take leaves because of a fight with the girlfriend, cause dog passed away and a new movie of their favorite star has released. With attendance being a key metric and if you are not a peoples person, only way you would know that you are hurt is by seeing the blood stain.
A sample exit interview would tell you the horrors of a people manager :
Manager: So decided to quit, why, what happened ??
Agent: Nothing sir, I have got enough money to buy an electrical guitar.
Manager: What??
Agent: Yes, I did not have enough money to buy one and this is the only way I could earn it.
Manager: Can I give you flexible staffing hours so that you could learn guitar??
Agent: No I have a band and I want to be full time into music.
Manager: Then why did you join us??
Agent: I told you, Guitar!!!.
Manager: Could I give you leaves for three months??
Agent: For what, I do not want to end up like these morons.
Manager: Thanks.
Now the manager goes in for his review and the conversation goes like this :
Manager's Boss: That's the third resignation this month, You're a loser.
Manager: Sir, the guy quit because he had amassed enough money for a guitar, how could I have stopped him.
Manager's Boss: You must have distracted him from his hobby and got him focus on his career.
Manager: Is that possible.
Manager's Boss: I am here because one smart ass did that with me, other wise I would have pursued an MBA and worked in a investment bank.
Patience, strength to take bull shit, skin thicker than Yak will be a part of your achievements list if you could cling on for a span of four years. The above conversations would tell you how.
Management:
In a BPO everything is measured and management is purely based on these measured outcomes. Everything that you do, your team does is colored into red, amber and green. Though perceptions play a huge role, in most of the processes numbers speak, lobbying, "sleep with me campaigns" can get promotions but still the fact remains that everything is measured.
Any amount of analysis, drill down, data modeling is possible in a BPO. If you want to play with data, know how to do presentations, strike a chord with anyone in click, this industry is your best teacher. Being measured and being reviewed on performance day in day out can drive anyone to their best, you will pushed to the wall, dragged and beaten to pulp and the only way you could prove yourself is by performing.
Growth :
If promotions in any industry happens by age and experience, this is a place where intelligence could give experience a run for the money. With young men at the helm of affairs, there is much lesser politics and back stabbing. It's mostly a fun filled collaborative culture. Decisions are made in a flash it means that your hind side would not grow roots into the chair you've been seated for a life time, provided you're good at what you do.
Though the journey is not flamboyant and charismatic, these are some of the pros of working in a BPO, apart from cabs, food, chicks which could be considered as the by products of an effervescent work force. So if you're joining the bandwagon it's not as bad as your Father thinks or your Geeky elder brother imagines.
Being good to people :
Being a people manager in a BPO is like being Manmohan Singh, you are caught between the ruling party, allies, the opposition and your own conscience (Most politicians are saved from the last excuse.) Anyways imagine managing a team of 100 people, with an average age of 23, the average would have increased because of some retired army man who thought picking calls is better than being alone in front of an ATM. Who would take leaves because of a fight with the girlfriend, cause dog passed away and a new movie of their favorite star has released. With attendance being a key metric and if you are not a peoples person, only way you would know that you are hurt is by seeing the blood stain.
A sample exit interview would tell you the horrors of a people manager :
Manager: So decided to quit, why, what happened ??
Agent: Nothing sir, I have got enough money to buy an electrical guitar.
Manager: What??
Agent: Yes, I did not have enough money to buy one and this is the only way I could earn it.
Manager: Can I give you flexible staffing hours so that you could learn guitar??
Agent: No I have a band and I want to be full time into music.
Manager: Then why did you join us??
Agent: I told you, Guitar!!!.
Manager: Could I give you leaves for three months??
Agent: For what, I do not want to end up like these morons.
Manager: Thanks.
Now the manager goes in for his review and the conversation goes like this :
Manager's Boss: That's the third resignation this month, You're a loser.
Manager: Sir, the guy quit because he had amassed enough money for a guitar, how could I have stopped him.
Manager's Boss: You must have distracted him from his hobby and got him focus on his career.
Manager: Is that possible.
Manager's Boss: I am here because one smart ass did that with me, other wise I would have pursued an MBA and worked in a investment bank.
Patience, strength to take bull shit, skin thicker than Yak will be a part of your achievements list if you could cling on for a span of four years. The above conversations would tell you how.
Management:
In a BPO everything is measured and management is purely based on these measured outcomes. Everything that you do, your team does is colored into red, amber and green. Though perceptions play a huge role, in most of the processes numbers speak, lobbying, "sleep with me campaigns" can get promotions but still the fact remains that everything is measured.
Any amount of analysis, drill down, data modeling is possible in a BPO. If you want to play with data, know how to do presentations, strike a chord with anyone in click, this industry is your best teacher. Being measured and being reviewed on performance day in day out can drive anyone to their best, you will pushed to the wall, dragged and beaten to pulp and the only way you could prove yourself is by performing.
Growth :
If promotions in any industry happens by age and experience, this is a place where intelligence could give experience a run for the money. With young men at the helm of affairs, there is much lesser politics and back stabbing. It's mostly a fun filled collaborative culture. Decisions are made in a flash it means that your hind side would not grow roots into the chair you've been seated for a life time, provided you're good at what you do.
Though the journey is not flamboyant and charismatic, these are some of the pros of working in a BPO, apart from cabs, food, chicks which could be considered as the by products of an effervescent work force. So if you're joining the bandwagon it's not as bad as your Father thinks or your Geeky elder brother imagines.
Your entrance test !!!
Which one out of these would describe you as a person?
A) I know what I want from life.
B) I always think before I talk.
C) All my choices where alligned to my ambitions.
D) None of the above.
I chose engineering because ?
A) My uncles son did so.
B) Papa asked me to do so.
C) Infosys and TCS does not hire BA / BSc.
D) All of the above.
Software testing is a great area to work because
A) I like to find faults.
B) I could use brains for something else.
C) It's better than being in a BPO.
D) All of the above.
System Administration is a creative Job because ...
A) Sys admins create mount points
B) We create issues, by copying scripts and editing them.
C) Staring at the monitor is given a creative name "Monitoring"
D) All of the above
When I am asked to do something....
A) I ensure that it's the best way ti do it.
B) I cross check on the logic of doing it.
C) I suggest alternate ways to do it in an efficient way.
D) None of the above
When I am called in for a meeting..
A) My biggest worry is about the refreshments available.
B) I would call in colleagues who do not have anything to do with the topic.
C) I decline the meeting online and show up as a surprise.
D) All of the above
If all of your answers are D, your candidature in the industry is confirmed, all you need to do is to get ready for a glorious life ahead, keep you brains at home, but ensure that it's accessible over the network at times for personal purposes it comes handy.
A) I know what I want from life.
B) I always think before I talk.
C) All my choices where alligned to my ambitions.
D) None of the above.
I chose engineering because ?
A) My uncles son did so.
B) Papa asked me to do so.
C) Infosys and TCS does not hire BA / BSc.
D) All of the above.
Software testing is a great area to work because
A) I like to find faults.
B) I could use brains for something else.
C) It's better than being in a BPO.
D) All of the above.
System Administration is a creative Job because ...
A) Sys admins create mount points
B) We create issues, by copying scripts and editing them.
C) Staring at the monitor is given a creative name "Monitoring"
D) All of the above
When I am asked to do something....
A) I ensure that it's the best way ti do it.
B) I cross check on the logic of doing it.
C) I suggest alternate ways to do it in an efficient way.
D) None of the above
When I am called in for a meeting..
A) My biggest worry is about the refreshments available.
B) I would call in colleagues who do not have anything to do with the topic.
C) I decline the meeting online and show up as a surprise.
D) All of the above
If all of your answers are D, your candidature in the industry is confirmed, all you need to do is to get ready for a glorious life ahead, keep you brains at home, but ensure that it's accessible over the network at times for personal purposes it comes handy.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Real Journey !!!!
Being in a contact center, especially tech support is like being a frog in a well. The only news that you would probably hear is from the customers television, which would be more about snow storms and gay marriages. No where related to your part of the world. Social contacts will die of within a span of a month, cause most of your friends live a normal life and yours is that of an Owl. With ever weakening relationships with the society and a fast depleting friends list you are almost into the vanaprastha before even entering Grihasthashrama.You've salvaged the worldly already !!!!
Excerpts of certain conversations from the life of a Tech support engineer:
Father: How are you son, how is it going??
Son: Doing great pa, what happened to you hands??
Father: Met with an accident yesterday in the afternoon.
Son: Why didn't you all tell me.
Father: Mom asked me not to wake you up, your brother came from work and was there through out.
Son: You should have called me.
Father: Mom didn't know you where home, by the way you have lost some weight from the last time we saw.
Being a guest at your own home, walking out to work on a Sunday evening while the family gets ready for an outing to the nearby temple or the beach is painful. Watching a movie on a Tuesday, when the theater is empty are certain invaluable luxuries this world can offer. So when you walk out of the industry and if that's the only industry you've worked in, you are as good as Denzel Washington in Shawshank redemption. With no weekends in hand, no nights to sleep, no life to celebrate, do you think the Industry is not worth it, That's not what it is in reality. If you've to learn management, have to be a people's man there is nowhere else on this earth you could learn it. That's why the next part of the blog is called the good side.
Excerpts of certain conversations from the life of a Tech support engineer:
Father: How are you son, how is it going??
Son: Doing great pa, what happened to you hands??
Father: Met with an accident yesterday in the afternoon.
Son: Why didn't you all tell me.
Father: Mom asked me not to wake you up, your brother came from work and was there through out.
Son: You should have called me.
Father: Mom didn't know you where home, by the way you have lost some weight from the last time we saw.
Being a guest at your own home, walking out to work on a Sunday evening while the family gets ready for an outing to the nearby temple or the beach is painful. Watching a movie on a Tuesday, when the theater is empty are certain invaluable luxuries this world can offer. So when you walk out of the industry and if that's the only industry you've worked in, you are as good as Denzel Washington in Shawshank redemption. With no weekends in hand, no nights to sleep, no life to celebrate, do you think the Industry is not worth it, That's not what it is in reality. If you've to learn management, have to be a people's man there is nowhere else on this earth you could learn it. That's why the next part of the blog is called the good side.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Job and the transition of Life !!!!
The only place on this earth, where you can step into work and can crib about not having slept properly is a BPO, and the best part is that you could do it everyday. Drowsiness, indigestion, dark circles and an accent that would make you look like a refrigerator inside an Igloo is what you would earn initially working in a contact center. The ads of most of these companies will have trekkers perched against K2, or a team doing white water rafting fighting all the odds, with captions provoking the young " Do you have it in you", " Define your Success" etc. If any of these models work in tech support projects for North America, leave a camera, they would lose confidence to stand in front of a mirror and introduce themselves.
The initial component of the job is fun, you would most probably meet an accent trainer, who's usually hot and is pro-American. Watching English movies and acting out plays, would make yo feel at college, the only difference being you are your own expense here. The round of fun is usually topped up with a boring process training, in which you will be taught on 100 ways of screwing a customer by not giving him what he wants. For example a policy that I learned working for a renowned computer seller states that an LCD cannot be exchanged till it has 5 dead pixels. That means even if you have three dead pixels at the center of the screen the customer has to live with it. How would the customer feel it if these pixels come in between the peak of a Sharon stone scene, all the customer can do is to cool off. There is an instance in which one of my colleagues had gone ahead and asked the customer to collect three more dead pixels i he was looking for a refund, I found the guy enjoying in communication training for two weeks thereafter.
The process training would ensure that you would use scripts written to perfection which in turn makes customer realize that it's humanly impossible to speak that way and demands for a human being to help him out. " Am I talking to a human being??, Could I talk to anything other than machine" are some common outcomes of using award winning scripts.So armed with thousand ways of grilling the customer, the trump card of those being the accent, we start the revenge against people who once ruled us. The pleasure of tormenting a Brit asking for help, pleading for a refund are experiences loads of Indians would love to be a part of even without a pay.
Experience on calls are extremely funny and would remain with you for a life time. Quoting some of the funniest :
Agent : Thank you for calling "xyz" tech support, how may I help you ??
Customer : Hey, I am an expert on mainframes and have been working on projects for CIA, FBI and top agencies. So please do not treat me like a dumb fellow American, just tell me what has to be done and I'll do it. So no hand holding, all right??
Agent: ( Who's dumbstruck, with popped out eyes) Yes,May I know the issue ??
Customer: Cannot go online, it says page cannot be displayed??
Agent: Could you give me the output of the ping command??
Customer: What would that be??
Agent: Could you open the command prompt??
Customer: How I do that??
Agent: Could you please right click on my computer??
Customer: I am a Lefty, how would I go about it??
Agent: You told me that you are techie ??
Customer: Why can't lefties be techies??
And the agent is convinced about the fact that it's not just his manager, there are customers who would behave the same way. So the job begins, the honeymoon is over and you start talking to wall street smarties to wild farmers. An accent seeps in which would never suit your appearance, short, dark, potbellied Asian with an American accent, how bad it could it get. R's are no longer straight, they are rolled with a rod roller, W is pronounced in an astonishingly funny way and last but not least pronouncing thank you demands your tongue to shoved up between the front sets of teeth. Dressing has to change, trousers and denim has to be worn with the intention that your but crack is visible when you take a seat, drop a pen or pick up a key chain. Smoking is a ritual, if you miss out on that you're missing out on information only nicotine could bring out. And slowly the kid from the middle class, takes on the bumpy ride to live the great American dream !!!!!
The initial component of the job is fun, you would most probably meet an accent trainer, who's usually hot and is pro-American. Watching English movies and acting out plays, would make yo feel at college, the only difference being you are your own expense here. The round of fun is usually topped up with a boring process training, in which you will be taught on 100 ways of screwing a customer by not giving him what he wants. For example a policy that I learned working for a renowned computer seller states that an LCD cannot be exchanged till it has 5 dead pixels. That means even if you have three dead pixels at the center of the screen the customer has to live with it. How would the customer feel it if these pixels come in between the peak of a Sharon stone scene, all the customer can do is to cool off. There is an instance in which one of my colleagues had gone ahead and asked the customer to collect three more dead pixels i he was looking for a refund, I found the guy enjoying in communication training for two weeks thereafter.
The process training would ensure that you would use scripts written to perfection which in turn makes customer realize that it's humanly impossible to speak that way and demands for a human being to help him out. " Am I talking to a human being??, Could I talk to anything other than machine" are some common outcomes of using award winning scripts.So armed with thousand ways of grilling the customer, the trump card of those being the accent, we start the revenge against people who once ruled us. The pleasure of tormenting a Brit asking for help, pleading for a refund are experiences loads of Indians would love to be a part of even without a pay.
Experience on calls are extremely funny and would remain with you for a life time. Quoting some of the funniest :
Agent : Thank you for calling "xyz" tech support, how may I help you ??
Customer : Hey, I am an expert on mainframes and have been working on projects for CIA, FBI and top agencies. So please do not treat me like a dumb fellow American, just tell me what has to be done and I'll do it. So no hand holding, all right??
Agent: ( Who's dumbstruck, with popped out eyes) Yes,May I know the issue ??
Customer: Cannot go online, it says page cannot be displayed??
Agent: Could you give me the output of the ping command??
Customer: What would that be??
Agent: Could you open the command prompt??
Customer: How I do that??
Agent: Could you please right click on my computer??
Customer: I am a Lefty, how would I go about it??
Agent: You told me that you are techie ??
Customer: Why can't lefties be techies??
And the agent is convinced about the fact that it's not just his manager, there are customers who would behave the same way. So the job begins, the honeymoon is over and you start talking to wall street smarties to wild farmers. An accent seeps in which would never suit your appearance, short, dark, potbellied Asian with an American accent, how bad it could it get. R's are no longer straight, they are rolled with a rod roller, W is pronounced in an astonishingly funny way and last but not least pronouncing thank you demands your tongue to shoved up between the front sets of teeth. Dressing has to change, trousers and denim has to be worn with the intention that your but crack is visible when you take a seat, drop a pen or pick up a key chain. Smoking is a ritual, if you miss out on that you're missing out on information only nicotine could bring out. And slowly the kid from the middle class, takes on the bumpy ride to live the great American dream !!!!!
About Designations and Salary !!!
Greed is a phase that goes by for some, for some it stays, till it takes their life away.What keeps us up, what keeps us going,like in any other industry it's moving up the ladder that matters the most, so let's closely examine the motivations of the growth process, the drive behind the back office of the world:
Designation :
In an industry which is young and vibrant like in Information Technology, there are roles, role names which could not have been coined by writers with highest imagination capabilities, even if they were high on marijuana. Say I have come across designations as big as "Business process architect", the guy who bears the designation would fall by the weight of it, if the same is given in writing on a piece of paper. People who are outside the industry would look at the visiting card and build images of our hero flying across the Atlantic, being served by stewardesses wearing deep neck tops, holing conference calls and finalizing decisions between top government officials of the west. On the ground, he would be running between technology groups, filling in forms and excel files and writing processes directly copied from the first search hit that Google could provide. ( Keywords used are the strictly confidential as that's a game changer).
So designations are something which everyone in the Industry is worried about, Project coordinator, wants to be a manager not because his manager is doing something different, just because Project manager sounds better (Marriage markets love Project Managers, though Job markets give a deaf ear). Job hops are made in the industry because the hiring organization is lenient enough to call the same job by a different name, it's as gross as a prostitute calling herself a pleasure merchant. So we all chase designations and love being called a consultant or an architect and we have an oath that we take while we pull up the socks for the designation chase.A sample on goes like this:
" I XXYY, as a member of the this family will ensure that no matter what happens I will act, walk and pose the way society wants to perceive my designation. As a consultant I would wear dark rimmed spectacles, as a Project manager I would be the torch bearer for cliches in formal dressing and If I accidentally get to become a VP or above I will wear suits even while am taking a walk on the beach with my wife and kids. I would ensure that people know that I am powerful through the gadgets I use, the dresses I wear and If am unaware of the technologies that has changed I'll bring in topics from Adams and crush anyone who acts smart with my arrogance". This is just a sample Oath, please refer to the disclaimer before use.
I have myself chased fancy designations, from Bangalore to Jaipur, I have made one of the most weird career moves just to be a "Leader", on papers. Yeah the designation given was a "Process Leader" and I almost ended up doing the same job under the hot sun in Jaipur, opposed to the cool breeze in Bangalore.
Money :
Hey this is a key factor, Jumping jobs is considered much more important than enhancing your skills or learning new stuff. The trend is to do the same job at different places, for salaries that could never get justified. There are loads of components and terms including the most abused one in the pack CTC. CTC is like our penal code, it could change according to circumstances. There are organizations where in your CTC and your take home would never talk to each other (Take home is another Jargon for the exact amount getting deposited in the bank account, after babu's and the government get's their cut). People who work for one company life long are like "The Bengal Tiger", they do not exist and there is no Amir Khan campaigning to protect this endangered species. Anyways people change jobs and during the last fifteen days in the organization they ensure that enough venom is inserted into their colleagues, flashing their offer letter and the great life promised ahead.
Work Culture:
Work culture, often projected by an Organization in many ways, major categories of these desperate attempts are :
Best Employer Awards: Usually there are 1524 awards every year given out by magazines for the best employers in the country. These magazines have information about the organization, their own employees have never come across. Flashy babes they never saw, in costumes they could only see at the theaters and last but don't not least pictures of gourmet dinners with much more than Chai and Samosa :). So awards project work culture better than anything else!!!!!
T Shirts and Bags with a company logo, a flashy Campus and wear what you are comfortable in stabbed into the dress code policy are the building blocks of any company that would like to project itself as a company with a great work culture. Though work is less, work culture is something that cannot be compromised. Wearing a Benetton T-shirt, carrying the best in class portable, riding into a dream campus, and being on a bench for nine months is Nirvana, the competition of who has more time to waste is definitely won by the company in the longer run.
"Being there done that Certificate" aka On Site Visits:
If one thing the Indian IT industry offers and lures it's employees with, is definitely the promise of travel. There are friends, who could not get enough time to change their underwear because most of them got busy clicking and uploading pictures. And these pictures have a trend they are mostly in front of the London bridge or the Eiffel tower or the statue of liberty. With a pay comparable or just above a Janitor at Star Bucks, we still save money ,we buy gifts for everyone around, and if asked about the visit abroad other than a nerd who didn't save money most of us would not have seen anything other than the spots that's supposed to be visited or told in another way we are good at making "Being there done that Certificates".
So we move on, expecting hikes to come in with lesser work, with expectations of finding code online so that it need not be re-written, with dreams of clients coming in from "Tmibaktu" so that exquisite pictures could be posted on Orkut. The great Indian IT dream is fired up by mostly these factors. Any additions to these are welcome :)
Designation :
In an industry which is young and vibrant like in Information Technology, there are roles, role names which could not have been coined by writers with highest imagination capabilities, even if they were high on marijuana. Say I have come across designations as big as "Business process architect", the guy who bears the designation would fall by the weight of it, if the same is given in writing on a piece of paper. People who are outside the industry would look at the visiting card and build images of our hero flying across the Atlantic, being served by stewardesses wearing deep neck tops, holing conference calls and finalizing decisions between top government officials of the west. On the ground, he would be running between technology groups, filling in forms and excel files and writing processes directly copied from the first search hit that Google could provide. ( Keywords used are the strictly confidential as that's a game changer).
So designations are something which everyone in the Industry is worried about, Project coordinator, wants to be a manager not because his manager is doing something different, just because Project manager sounds better (Marriage markets love Project Managers, though Job markets give a deaf ear). Job hops are made in the industry because the hiring organization is lenient enough to call the same job by a different name, it's as gross as a prostitute calling herself a pleasure merchant. So we all chase designations and love being called a consultant or an architect and we have an oath that we take while we pull up the socks for the designation chase.A sample on goes like this:
" I XXYY, as a member of the this family will ensure that no matter what happens I will act, walk and pose the way society wants to perceive my designation. As a consultant I would wear dark rimmed spectacles, as a Project manager I would be the torch bearer for cliches in formal dressing and If I accidentally get to become a VP or above I will wear suits even while am taking a walk on the beach with my wife and kids. I would ensure that people know that I am powerful through the gadgets I use, the dresses I wear and If am unaware of the technologies that has changed I'll bring in topics from Adams and crush anyone who acts smart with my arrogance". This is just a sample Oath, please refer to the disclaimer before use.
I have myself chased fancy designations, from Bangalore to Jaipur, I have made one of the most weird career moves just to be a "Leader", on papers. Yeah the designation given was a "Process Leader" and I almost ended up doing the same job under the hot sun in Jaipur, opposed to the cool breeze in Bangalore.
Money :
Hey this is a key factor, Jumping jobs is considered much more important than enhancing your skills or learning new stuff. The trend is to do the same job at different places, for salaries that could never get justified. There are loads of components and terms including the most abused one in the pack CTC. CTC is like our penal code, it could change according to circumstances. There are organizations where in your CTC and your take home would never talk to each other (Take home is another Jargon for the exact amount getting deposited in the bank account, after babu's and the government get's their cut). People who work for one company life long are like "The Bengal Tiger", they do not exist and there is no Amir Khan campaigning to protect this endangered species. Anyways people change jobs and during the last fifteen days in the organization they ensure that enough venom is inserted into their colleagues, flashing their offer letter and the great life promised ahead.
Work Culture:
Work culture, often projected by an Organization in many ways, major categories of these desperate attempts are :
Best Employer Awards: Usually there are 1524 awards every year given out by magazines for the best employers in the country. These magazines have information about the organization, their own employees have never come across. Flashy babes they never saw, in costumes they could only see at the theaters and last but don't not least pictures of gourmet dinners with much more than Chai and Samosa :). So awards project work culture better than anything else!!!!!
T Shirts and Bags with a company logo, a flashy Campus and wear what you are comfortable in stabbed into the dress code policy are the building blocks of any company that would like to project itself as a company with a great work culture. Though work is less, work culture is something that cannot be compromised. Wearing a Benetton T-shirt, carrying the best in class portable, riding into a dream campus, and being on a bench for nine months is Nirvana, the competition of who has more time to waste is definitely won by the company in the longer run.
"Being there done that Certificate" aka On Site Visits:
If one thing the Indian IT industry offers and lures it's employees with, is definitely the promise of travel. There are friends, who could not get enough time to change their underwear because most of them got busy clicking and uploading pictures. And these pictures have a trend they are mostly in front of the London bridge or the Eiffel tower or the statue of liberty. With a pay comparable or just above a Janitor at Star Bucks, we still save money ,we buy gifts for everyone around, and if asked about the visit abroad other than a nerd who didn't save money most of us would not have seen anything other than the spots that's supposed to be visited or told in another way we are good at making "Being there done that Certificates".
So we move on, expecting hikes to come in with lesser work, with expectations of finding code online so that it need not be re-written, with dreams of clients coming in from "Tmibaktu" so that exquisite pictures could be posted on Orkut. The great Indian IT dream is fired up by mostly these factors. Any additions to these are welcome :)
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